petitions for asexuals to be allowed to say “i totally aced that” whenever they misread a potentially sexualised situation

and then to just majestically sweep out of the room in a billowing cloud of purple smoke but that is optional

(via miss-ann-thropic)


yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger

(via cake-tea)


does anybody else clean their phone screen by wiping it on their boob or is that just me

(via asuspiciouslookingperson)


do vampires just use their teeth to make a puncture wound and then suck, or are their fangs like a straw

i havent slept in three days

(via dorkycastiel)